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charcoal love

from blonde on blue by chanan lesli mattison

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"In most of my relationships, what rose to the surface were issues stemming from the previous love partnerships and/or other encounters that, leaving their scars upon us - a deep hurt in fact that had not been healed yet, were entering into what chances, already in a world making it difficult for love to succeed, we had for long term, even permanent success. In fact in more than one relationship, there arose a trauma of varying length, a trauma of hurt and fear coming from previous abuse, even sexual abuse. its like you hope that here is a good situation with a chance for love, but you find out that the other person really is not in a position to be able to love because they were hurt, even had experience being beaten, either physically, including rape, or emotionally which can be just as paralyzing.

I don't like this to be a downer, because i have always been a romantic, but whether its the time we live in or what not - i met so many potential loves that were up against something internal that, some knew it for what it was, but others did not. And out of this situation it is very probable that if not consciously dealt with, that the dating of this person is bound to end in further replays, as if they are not really free to treat you as you are, or treat me as i am, but instead are replaying unhealed tapes from the past and whenever the tension rises, then does the likelihood that they will be talking or interacting with this previous person or abuser and not you.

that is why it is doubly certain that the catholic or christian teaching of morality is so important. do you want to ever add to someone's difficulties by the misunderstood accruing of the inability to freely love? even the most successful and wonderful in my love history, there was yet the spiritual certainty that the world and all its idols and traps will certainly enter in. and that's why the divorce rate is over half the number of marriages. marriage is really a spiritual thing, indeed a sacrament. I have seen first-hand the spiritual glow of a couple that in their case, both partners were benefiting from a shared faith, and even better, the sharing that takes place in Holy Communion, so that the sacraments aid and build up the marriage. their even is the beautiful and pristine presence of the Spirit upon their foreheads and in their dwelling!"

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from blonde on blue, released October 19, 2013

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chanan lesli mattison Calgary, Alberta

"my folks were from saskatchewan, so i experienced the provenance of the great heartland.

the people there are known to the working of amazing grace, a grace that catches the breeze of presence, the rain of compassion, & the thunder of truth."

"i've known soul-mate love...like mary magdalen, i've loved much." ... more

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